How do You Say Goodbye to Your Best Friend

Heaven has a new angel. On Tuesday, April 4, 2023, I had to say goodbye to the four-legged love of my life, Nikephorus. He was by far the best dog and companion anyone could ask for. His loving, patient, and kind nature was something you just don’t see in most dogs. There is nothing he wouldn’t do for me (or food) and it was clear his goal in life was to make me happy. He was ALWAYS by my side and knew exactly what I needed and when. And if that wasn’t enough to earn his place in heaven, his immeasurable patience with the way he tolerated Theodosius chewing on his ears incessantly truly secured his spot. 

Nikephorus came into my life in January 2011 as a foster dog. At the time, I was looking for a companion for my dachshund, Cecilbie. Two dachshunds, Heide and Heineken, were being surrendered to the local pet rescue for which I volunteered as a foster. The plan was that I would take Heidi as my foster because Heineken was about 20 pounds and too big for me and Cecilbie who weighed in at about 11 pounds. As we waited with the other foster family for the paperwork to be completed, Heidi fell in love with the father in the other foster family and she and Cecilbie seemed indifferent to each other. Heineken on the other hand actually bit Cecilbie when she got too close to Heidi. Despite that, I took him home with us, fully anticipating that after the two-week holding period, he would be up for adoption. Boy was I wrong.

During that two-week waiting period, Cecilbie and Heineken began to develop a bond and he certainly found a place in my heart. By the end of the 2 weeks, Cecilbie and Heineken were bonded and it was clear that this dog belonged with us. But, if you know anything about me, you know Heineken was just not the right name for a dog belonging with me. I thought back to my New Rome class with Father Kirby and my idea of naming a dog Nikephorus; it was the perfect name in so many ways. Heineken became Nikephorus and officially my dog, or foster failure as rescues sometimes call it when a foster adopts the dog they were fostering, on my birthday.

As we worked on training and spent time cuddling and playing, it became clear to me that this dog was special which is saying a lot given how amazing Cecilbie was. While Cecilbie was wickedly smart and adapted to anything eventually becoming canine good citizen certified and a therapy dog, Nikephorus was more of a gentle soul who wanted to fiercely love and protect me. I am so thankful our original plan of me fostering Heidi fell apart because it is evident that Nikephorus’ soul was meant to be with me. We were always meant to be together.

Over the years, we enjoyed many adventures, but mostly enjoyed cuddling on the couch and watching tv. Nikephorus loved being in the yard with me especially if he could sit in the sun and soak up some rays. He got so much joy from rolling around in the grass and just basking in the sun. He loved going for walks despite the fact that the sidewalk in our old neighborhood would sometimes cut his paws. I often walked him on Notre Dame’s campus instead so that he could be happy on a walk and not hurt his paws. He also loved squeaking his squeaky toys. The joy he exuded when he was fetching and squeaking those toys was contagious. 

Speaking of happy, this dog would wag his tail so vigorously that I would sometimes joke that if he had a Native American name it would be “Wags with Whole Body.” 

Nikephorus and Cecilbie also loved their puzzle game boards where they would have to flip or move things to reveal treats on the board. I bought one that was supposed to be rated as very difficult – promising that it would keep your dog entertained for a long time. Nikephorus gave it a shot and quickly moved away from the board allowing Cecilbie to try. Within minutes she solved the puzzles and revealed the treat, but before she could eat it, Nikephorus swooped in and got the treat. Originally, I thought Cecilbie was the smarter dog for figuring out the puzzle, but when he swooped in, I realized maybe Nikephorus was smarter, allowing her to do all of the work while he reaped the rewards!

As Nikephorus got older, his ionized blood calcium levels were starting to rise. It took a few years of monitoring it and a few visits to Purdue’s Small Animal Hospital to determine that what we thought was a parathyroid problem was really Cushing’s Disease and a parathyroid problem. With some medication we were able to help keep the Cushing’s Disease under control, but his calcium levels were still high. His parathyroids weren’t presenting well enough in an ultrasound for surgery and veterinarians at Purdue were not sure we needed to do surgery, but in June of 2022, I made the decision to have Purdue do a surgery to determine if his parathyroid needed to be removed. It turned out that all of his parathyroids and his thyroid had to be removed. Thankfully medicine could regulate his hormones. Unfortunately, it took a little while to find the right dosage of medicines that did not make him sick. On July 4, 2022, he didn’t want to eat so I knew something was wrong. We rushed home from vacation and thankfully Dr. Candey and the other amazing veterinarians at Magrane Pet Medical Center were able to give him fluids and adjust his medicine to get him eating again. They even taught us how to give him fluids at home. After about a week, he was eating dog food again and back to his happy self.

On Sunday, March 19, 2023, he once again stopped eating, but this time he was also vomiting. Thankfully we were able to get in to see Dr. Candey on Monday morning and we tried the anti-nausea medicine and fluids again. It was a slower recovery, but with daily fluids Nikephorus began eating food again – even if it was just chicken, hot dogs, eggs, cheese, some wet dog food and lots of dog treats. By this point, his kidney disease was so far progressed that everything he ate was making him feel sick even though he was not getting sick. If you didn’t know what was going on, you would think he was just a senior dog – still eating, drinking, going outside, and sleeping. He still kept watching out for me and following me wherever I went. 

After about a week and a half of getting fluids daily – mostly at home – he started to show some signs of discomfort from the IV, but was eating better so we skipped some days between fluids. I noticed on Monday, April 3 he was still eating chicken and hot dogs and lots of treats, but he stopped drinking water. By the next day, he didn’t want any food – not even his favorites of egg, hot dogs, or chicken. I had hoped that maybe he just needed more fluids and brought him to Magrane hoping they could administer a bigger dose than we could do at home. Since Dr. Candey was off, we saw Dr. Brancaleon. She suggested running some bloodwork to better understand what was going on and sadly it revealed that the kidney disease had significantly progressed from the stage 3 level it was just two months earlier. I had to make the very difficult decision to say goodbye to my beloved friend and companion. 

Despite having years of amazing quality time together, it’s never enough time. While we waited for those final test results, we cuddled in the waiting room and he fell asleep with his head resting on my leg. Right up to the end he fought – he was following me and wagging his tail. In those final moments, I could see the love in his eyes saying goodbye to me too. I had been telling him the past few weeks that if he was ready, it was okay. Neither of us were really ready, but it was time.

I wish I could have kept him alive forever and maybe with constant fluids and hospitalization that would have been possible for a while longer, but that’s not the quality of life I wanted for my Nikephorus, for my baby, for my love. I wish I could have had a kidney transplant from Theodosius to save Nikephorus, but veterinary medicine isn’t there yet. I wish there was a way to keep our beloved pets happy and healthy for so much longer than 10 to 15 years. I wish I could hold and hug and wake up with you sleeping next to me again Nikephorus. I wish I could have done more and I feel guilty that I couldn’t.

When Pastor Caroline of Christ the King Lutheran Church talked about Holy Week being an emotional rollercoaster in her children’s message on Palm Sunday, I had no idea that the sadness we feel this week for the death of Jesus would literally translate to an immense sadness for the loss of my beloved pet and family member. My heart is broken and unfortunately, unlike with the celebration of Easter, I can’t imagine feeling anything close to rejoicing anytime in the near future. 

Coming home without Nikephorus, the whole house felt so silent and sad even with Theodosius running around. I’m not sure I have ever cried like this before – it was and is a guttural wailing and feels like the sadness will never end. 

Theodosius who has been with us for about 4 years has always been a jealous dog wanting all the attention. He’s also afraid of everything and gained so much confidence from Nikephorus. I am not sure how Theodosius will do without Nikephorus for comfort, support, and courage. On Wednesday morning, my heart broke again when Theodosius looked for Nikephorus in his crate where he liked to sleep between going out at 4 or 5 am and getting breakfast a little bit later. The way he paused and looked for Nikephorus and then when not seeing him slumped his body, made me realize that he understood and was grieving too.

I am so thankful that we followed Dr. Candey to Magrane Pet Medical Center; the entire team is so welcoming, kind, patient, supportive, and I trust that they always provide the best care available. I’m sure they love all of their patients, but based on the care and compassion they showed us throughout the years, I know Nikephorus was one of their favorites. I can’t thank Dr. Candey enough for EVERYTHING she has done to take care of us. I wish she had been there that final day, but Dr. Brancaleon was wonderful, patient, and made his passing a little bit easier.

On Wednesday, we received a beautiful bouquet of flowers celebrating his life. A package from Shutterfly also arrived. I had forgotten that just a few days earlier I had created this photo keychain as a way to keep my account active. It was Nikephorus saying hello and letting me know he’s okay and happy to be with Cecilbie again.

I know that for months and years ahead the grieving will continue – it never really ends, and it may hit me out of nowhere unexpectedly. Getting through holidays, on his15th birthday in a few short weeks, picking up his ashes, and so many other events will trigger heartbreak and loss again and again. 

While the world feels empty with his passing, I am comforted knowing that he has been reunited with Cecilbie and they are back to holding each other’s faces with their paws and licking each other’s faces. I know someday we will all be together and I can’t wait to hold you in my arms again.